If
you found your way to this blog, it may be because you're the type
of woman who constantly finds herself trying to "fix" a man, or entering
into a relationship with someone who isn't quite on your level of maturity or emotional stability. That's okay, because you're going to change him and make him be better, right? I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with
women who found themselves in a situation like this, and have become
increasingly frustrated that he's still facing the same struggles as
months earlier when they first got together. This is probably because you can't
change someone. You may be their reason to want to change, which is a
beautiful thing, but they have to do it themselves. So if you've found yourself in a pattern like this
in the past, and you're unable to find a happy and healthy relationship because
of it, how do you break the cycle?
1. You pay attention to his past. How a man has lived his life up to the point he
met you is a road taken that you cannot change. Similar to walking into
the woods for 10 miles and expecting to be able to walk back out in 1
mile: it's just not going to happen. If he has a long history of short-lived negative relationships, or perhaps a bad or nonexistent relationship with family, or he's always placing the blame on women for failed relationships, then I'm sorry to say it but willingly dating a man like this simply puts you in the middle of his destructive path. Like the person who steps off of the tracks in the
movie at the last second when the train is coming, it's time for you to get out
of the way.
2. You stay away from men who take you out of your comfort zone. Being comfortable with the person you're with is of the utmost importance of course, but that also depends on what kind of
comfort that is. If you're the type of woman who's drawn to the wrong types of men, then familiarity isn't necessarily a good thing. If he reminds you of an ex or brings back the same
hopeful feelings of being able to help him that you recognize from your
past, then turn around and walk away. You've got to be honest and ask yourself how these
scenarios have turned out for you before. If you were successful in
helping someone change and lived happily ever after with him, then you
wouldn't be back out in the world looking for another project.
3. You stop falling for the kind of person he "could be". The right person for you will absolutely support and
encourage you on your journey to become who you'd like to be, while
still loving and accepting you as the way you are. You're asking for trouble if you see potential
in a man who doesn't see it in himself and is doing nothing about it. If you're going to try to help him open his eyes to
who he can be and what he can become, you're basically attempting to
paint on a blank canvas. This is much different than a man who has his
path in life carved out and is following after his dreams and ambitions. If you feel that you need to be a mother figure to
him and take care of him in order for him to get to where (you think) he
should be, you're setting yourself up for disaster.
4. You stop ignoring your intuition. A woman's intuition is a pretty amazing and powerful thing, yet
so many women choose to ignore it. There may be something that immediately
draws you to a man in terms of his appearance, stature or personality, but when you begin to know him on a deeper level
you will find yourself having more thoughts than how well-tailored his
suit is. If you start finding yourself taking on more of a
therapist role than you do as an equal in a relationship, it's a clear
and immediate sign that you're choosing another "fixer-upper" who will frustrate you and leave you wanting in the end. Many people struggle in life and need support
sometimes, myself included. We aren't perfectly evolved and we all have
our flaws, but it's our responsibility as men and women to handle them
ourselves and seek help in the right places, the best we can.
As you become someone's significant other, this isn't your role. Your role is to love and support them as an equal, but not to fix them. Once you realize this, you'll find yourself being
drawn to healthier, more emotionally stable men who are able to give you
the love and support you need in return. Someone who hasn't yet fully formed themselves will
never be able to be your teammate and true equal, and that is exactly
what you need...
relationshiplessons.net
1 comment:
so so true!!!
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