Be honest, would you be happier if your partner hung out with your family
on December 25th, or would it be less stressful for both of you if you
simply agreed to do the holidays apart? With this in mind, I decided to give you some tips on how to make the holidays less romantically stressful.
If you are single:
1. If you find yourself unattached this Christmas, rejoice!
When
I mentioned that I was going to be talking about tips to help
daters survive the holidays, a bunch of readers said to themselves, "Avoid dating till
January!" The holidays stress us out because there's so much to do. Shopping
sucks, it's cold, and any existing family tensions are exacerbated, so
trying to get a new relationship started is the last thing you
want to add to your to-do list, especially because there are so many
holiday minefields that could blow the fragile little romance to
smithereens.
If you have just started dating someone:
2. Don't feel compelled to bring some new guy/girl to your office party.
Office
parties can be stressful and awkward for even the most graceful
employees, and adding a new boo to the mix will just increase the
pressure on you. Plus, a bunch of people standing around talking shop
while getting drunk and doing karaoke is no outsider's idea of fun. They'll probably be relieved if you let them off the hook, explaining it'll
be easier on both of you that way.
3. Think twice about casually inviting them to any family holiday party.
Don't
tell yourself, "Oh, what the hell, why not kill two birds with one
stone?" Introducing someone new to anyone in your family automatically ups
the ante, especially during the holiday season. Also, sometimes our
families make us act not like our better selves, to say the least. You
don't want the new boo to see you behaving childishly. Your relatives might be weird or annoying or simply not his
speed. Your mother, whom everyone thinks you look so much like, may be
aging very poorly. Your father could be the kind of person no one
would ever want to be in a restaurant with. So make sure they're
seriously into you before easing him into your family.
If you're more serious:
4. Talk about the gift situation.
Not
sure if you two are serious enough to buy each other gifts? Or feeling
uncertain about how much to spend? Talk about it rather than tiptoeing
around the issue. Ask if they think exchanging gifts would be fun and
of course, tell him or her how you feel. If neither of you is making much
money, agree to do something inexpensive like going to a bookstore and
buying each other a novel or a volume of poetry. You can think
about agreeing to donate to worthy organizations in lieu of a gift
exchange.
5. Do some advance work.
If your boyfriend has
pleasantly agreed to come to your Aunt Clara's house for some turkey,
give him a sense of what he might be in for so he can prepare himself.
If she's going to grill him about his job, alert him to her prying ways.
Or, if you know an inquisition will make him miserable, ask your Aunt if
she will leave the peppering to the salad dressing. Let him know about
anything he can do to earn easy brownie points. Perhaps Aunt Clara will love
him forever if he brings her flowers, or if he compliments her on her holiday decorating. Think ahead about the little things you can do to make the
day more socially smooth for everyone. If you'll be with his family,
ask him if he has any tips for you to make a great impression as well.
No matter what:
6. Take it easy on the alcohol at all times.
People
often think drinking will ease all tensions and make everyone jollier.
Instead, it regularly disables people's manners, amplifies any
underlying moodiness or resentment, and encourages them to do things
that are ridiculous, inappropriate, or offensive. So have a glass of
wine or two with dinner, but cut yourself off after that. If the
person you're dating has a tendency to overindulge, ask them to make an
effort to stay in check. If he/she has trouble keeping pace,
suggest that they commit to having two glasses of water for
every alcoholic beverage.
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