Five Reactions Men Have When You Tell Them You're Waiting

You’ve been there before: You meet a guy that you like (or a guy that was persistent), you’re hanging out with him (like on a date), and at some point you feel compelled to bring up the fact that you’re waiting till marriage to have sex. In fact, you want to bring it up because you’re secretly hoping that he’ll be supportive, or worst case at least you want him to know what he’s getting into. Men and women have certain reactions after hearing there will be no sex until you're married. I shared with you how a woman reacts, now lets look into how men take the news. In my experience, a man's reaction fall within one of these five ranges.

1. Put off - This look you'll see reflects the thought in his head: “ugh, seriously?” Then he runs a mile away, cuts off all contact, and avoids you like the plague. You should realize that he really isn’t worth any of your time if you aren’t worth any of his. You can tell from his reaction that he was much more interested in sex than in any kind of emotional connection. This often represents immaturity and shallowness on his part. You’re not just a body that can be used for his entertainment and pleasure. Some girls might be OK with that, but not you. You’re a human being who deserves the time and effort to be spoken to and loved for who you are. He is the one who will be missing out on the opportunity to be with someone a lot more special than most others. Of course, he’ll never know it. He’ll run away and find lots of casual sex partners of varying quality, and then one day when he’s older, he will start craving emotional connection. But that deeper side of him will be so under-developed that he’ll stumble awkwardly through relationships and marriage. When you meet him again ten years from now, you will be very glad he did you the favor of running away.

2. Scared - You can almost see the hamster wheel turning in his mind. He is scared of the prospect of being with someone who is going to withhold sex. He’s scared that he will be missing out on something that he’s grown accustomed to, and that the relationship won’t be what he wants it to be. Often, he will think that he can handle it, and then in a few weeks the realization hits him that this is real and not going to change, and it just can’t work for him. Give him points for trying, but you don’t want to be with someone who isn’t able to connect with you on an emotional level.

3. Bad Boy Confidence - He thinks that your “I’m waiting till marriage” stance is just a phase, or something you have said to play hard to get — nothing his charm and personality can’t alter. Beware of these guys! He can be tricky to deal with and will hide his motives very well. He may manage to lead you on for a very long time and after a while of getting nowhere, this previously confident fellow will suddenly realize that you were serious and in which case he can no longer be bothered with the chase. The first sign to spotting a fake is the fact that he tends to go along with it too much. For instance, he will tell you everything you want to hear, such things as, “I have even considered it myself” and “I think it is a wonderful idea.” The thing is, it isn’t just an idea that suddenly came to you in a dream. It is a belief and a strong thing you strive to achieve. It's becoming clear to you that he doesn’t truly understand your own motives. You are who you are and you should be proud of that.

Don’t feel silly for falling for his charm, it happens to the best of them. You have that experience under your belt and now you will find it easier to recognize guys that are leading you on. Learn from it and grow as a person because of it. It is possible that he has hurt you and made you feel worthless, but always remember that you are not worthless. You just weren’t meant to be that person. On the other hand, if it isn’t love from the right person that makes him see the error of his ways, then he will get his comeuppance elsewhere…maybe someone will break his heart or he will simply be run over by a car. Who knows, right?

4. Confused - This can probably be the best kind because it means he isn’t fully aware of your beliefs, but you can explain it to him and he can understand and will most likely respect you for it. He may even stick around because he only likes you for you and you’re worth more to him than sexual pleasures. He may even be willing to wait with you and for you. The only negative is that because he has never come across this belief, there is a chance he could reject it and if he stays with you there is a possibility that he will want another form of release outside of sex. It's a great opportunity to explain your values to a guy with an open mind, who is more willing to understand something you hold dear to you, and who will more than likely appreciate you all the more for it. If he does want something outside of sex, that is always a personal decision, so never let yourself feel pressured into it or like he deserves it because he is ‘putting up’ with the no sex until marriage. It is still your body, not their toy.

5. Respect and Agreement - You’re striking gold when you come across this man! Often the guys who give you this look will really respect your decision, wish they had done it themselves or become more attracted to you because you want to wait. From my experience, the people who give you this reaction will turn out to be some of your closest friends or the most wonderful boyfriend. You are more unique and intriguing to that person and stand out from modern society. It is also a very attractive quality so stand by what you believe in. If that person is truly right for you, then they too will stand right beside you and your beliefs!

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Five Reactions Women Have When You Tell Them You're Waiting

A few days ago, I was asked to contribute with the male perspective on "The Good Life" radio show with Russelyn Williams. The question: Are men afraid to say that they are virgins or waiting until marriage to have sex? I wouldn't say that men are fearful, because if he is sold on the idea of waiting until he is married, then there is no fear involved anymore. My concern is for how she will take it when he breaks the news to the woman that he’s waiting until marriage to have sex. Secretly, men would hope that she’ll enthusiastically reveal that she’s waiting too, but this is statistically unlikely. So how will she react? In my experience, the reactions of women fall within one of these five ranges. I talked about two of them on the show, but I created five reactions women have today, and I'll give the five reactions men have on Monday.

1. Shame/Embarrassment - Most women begin their lives with noble ideas about waiting, abstinence, and love, and then later they find themselves having to abandon them. When you tell her that you’re waiting, she suddenly remembers all of the values, ideals, and fantasies that she didn’t end up following through on, and some part of her feels like she failed her younger self’s vision of the world, sometimes making her sad and a little embarrassed. The good news is that if she didn’t like you, she wouldn’t assign you enough importance to evaluate herself against your ideals. And if she didn’t deeply respect your decision, she would feel no guilt about not choosing it for herself. If you encounter this reaction, try not to make her feel worse. Do what you can to break the tension and show her that her lack of commonality in that area isn’t a deal-breaker for you. It’s not something you meant to shove in her face; just something you want her to be aware of and hopefully be OK with.

2. Bad Girl Confidence - If she really likes you, but doesn’t particularly respect your decision to wait, she may decide that your waiting status is only a minor obstacle for her; a challenge easily overcome by her feminine powers. She may try to logic you out of waiting, she may try to slyly drop hints at the fun you could have, and she may do these things while being on top of you (figuring that it’s easier to convince you when your big head is turned off). Enjoy the ride, but you should know that ultimately this girl may not be satisfied if she can’t break your resolve. If you remain committed to waiting, she may reevaluate her decision to enter into a relationship with you once she realizes that you are actually serious about the waiting thing.

3. Fake Enthusiasm/Excessive Praise - You tell her that you’re waiting till marriage and she jumps through the ceiling with praise and excitement. She doesn’t believe you, so she triple verifies: You’re serious? Never? For real? She’s amazed. She’s never met anybody like you. She totally agrees with those values. Sexual virtue is really important to her too and she’s so glad that it’s so important to you. She reiterates how important it is to her. She’s practically just like you, she says. Your waiting is no problem at all for her. She wants you, not sex! She’s more than happy to creatively work around whatever line you’ve drawn when it comes to physical stuff. And then two weeks later she drops off the face of the earth and avoids you completely. This leaves you confused, because you thought she was so accepting about it. Waiting until marriage is a serious decision. She’s telling herself that it can work with you waiting, but she subconsciously knows that it can’t. Later, as her mind begins to accept the reality of what your decision to wait means, she will grow less and less OK with it. Do not mourn this loss. Most likely, you did not have a lot in common with this girl in the first place.

4. Tortured Disappointment - This one hurts. She likes you, she respects your decision to wait, but she’s a very physical and emotional girl. Sex is a part of relationships that she’s grown accustomed to, and she needs that connection to feel fulfilled. With regret, she downgrades you to the friend zone, but she feels like a monster for doing it. Getting this reaction from a girl you really like may make you question your decision to wait. All of your senses tell you that waiting until marriage just cost you a chance with a great woman, and by some measures, that’s exactly what happened. Ultimately it’s an issue of affection and personality difference. If she was a slightly different person, she could wait with you. If she liked you just a little more, she could wait. But based on her current personality and mid-grade affections for you, she just can’t. There are other women who would be happy to wait with you. Those women are the ones who have more similar values to your own and like you more than this tortured woman does. You may very well be happier with them, but that doesn’t make this one any less painful. There’s a slight chance in hell that the tortured woman would come around to taking a shot with you as she gets older and continues to like and respect you, but don’t hold your breath. Move on. Most likely, you only morn the relationship that you thought you could have had with her…not necessarily the one you would have actually had. Be realistic about your other differences and you’ll feel better.

5. Relief - You’re on easy street if you get this reaction. As wonderful as it is to find another celibate person, it’s usually anti-climatic when you first find out that you’re both waiting. It’s more often a “Hey neat we’re both waiting” reaction than it is the “Oh my God I’ve searched the world for another and I’ve finally found one” that you were expecting. It’s very rare that you will be completely surprised when you find out that a girl you’re interested in is also waiting. Some part of you kind of picks up on it in advance, usually. And the same can probably be said for her picking up on your waiting status in advance. Even if you don’t date this girl, you’ve found a kindred spirit out there in the world and it will leave you forever changed, in a positive way. You’ll learn much from your commonalities, but just because she shares that crucial quality doesn’t mean you are otherwise compatible. Of course, more often than not you will be very compatible with a girl who is also waiting. Dating a woman who is also waiting is easy and wonderful for plenty of reasons. First of all, you will have virtually no hang-ups about her past. Second, you will have similar values about far more than just sex.

In my experience, it is not the one who instantly praises your decision to wait that will end up being in a long-term relationship with you; it’s the one who takes the news seriously and hardly responds at all (outwardly). When you tell a girl you’re waiting and she barely reacts, it can mean that she’s accepted your waiting status and decided to try dating you anyway. You will often get this reaction from girls who know about your waiting status in advance. Keep in mind though that just because she put more effort in than many other girls doesn’t mean that she’s immune to the pressure of wanting what she’s grown accustomed to in relationships (sex). Give her all the credit in the world for waiting on you, but don’t try to convert her to waiting on her own. Enjoy a great relationship with someone who is very, very interested in you...

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