The Free Agent of Love

It’s that time of year in the basketball world where the NBA season is upon us, and it got me to thinking about free agency in today's NBA. When the Chicago Bulls opened the season up Wednesday against the New York Knicks, Carmello Anthony of the Knicks was the free agent of choice for many teams in the NBA over the summer, including my Chicago Bulls. I was so glad that he decided to stay in New York because it forced Chicago to get better talent, and it proved itself in a blowout win. In a conversation last weekend with some people in the barbershop, it led to me explaining that free agents and single people have a lot in common. Yes, we talk about it ALL in the barbershop. Today I’d like to share with you the analogy that I shared with them last week. If you’re a sports fan like myself, you’ll resonate with this seamlessly. If you’re not a sports fan, I hope I’m clear enough in my delivery. In any case, here goes...

Being The Free Agent - I explained to everyone that at some point or another we are star free agents in this game of love and lust.  At some point in our careers (lives) we will be scouted and we will be sought after. As free agents we get to scope the scene, weigh options and then we make decisions. When you’re a star player, you take many things into consideration. Truth be told some teams (prospective partners) are a better fit for you than others. But during this whole recruiting process, (dating) you wonder as the player “What’s in it for me?”  The teams seeking you are basically selling themselves to you. They will paint the greatest picture to entice you to go with them. No matter how well some teams try to make themselves look, you can still see some qualities in which you may not be interested.

Seeking The Free Agent - Now as the team seeking someone’s partnership or services, what picture are you painting? No team is perfect, that’s a given, but what steps are you taking to become a winner? In this league of love and lust there are teams that are proven winners and teams that aren’t. Now, what team are you representing? Are you the team that has been a proven winner? Or are you the team that hasn’t had a championship since the civil rights movement? Or are you a team dedicated to winning and are taking steps to do so? Here’s a quick overview of the types of people we can classify ourselves as.

1. Proven Winner: Has a clean track record, whether male or female, they are stand up people and are seen positively through most people’s eyes. More often than not, these people are blessed with the ability to make prudent decisions in the realm of dating. Their breakups mostly end amicably and without too much ill feeling.

2. Team That Hasn’t Won In Years: A person who has constantly been in bad situations with the opposite sex and still goes about things in the same way. They refuse to take steps on improving their strategies, criteria or even themselves; thus rendering themselves proverbial losers. They don’t change so they’ll continue to get the same results.

3. Dedicated To Winning: You’re in the rebuilding phase and you have consciously made efforts to make good sound choices. You have taken steps to improve your stock and offer something better than what once was. You maintain a positive outlook on love and know you have something special to offer.

Any star free agent either wants to go to a proven winner, or to a team that has shown through their transactions (decisions) that they are committed to being a winner in the future. So again, which team are you? To the free agents out there reading this, what are you doing to be considered a star? 

Can you relate to any of the teams I’ve listed? Fill me in with your thoughts, let me know if my analogy was on the money. Oh yeah, go Bulls!

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Forgive Plus Forget Equals Happiness?

Let me tell you all something, unforgiveness will eventually kill you, while the unforgiven is still walking the earth living their life. Don't do it to yourself to the point that you cannot move on. Like the familiar saying goes: "unforgiveness is like drinking poison, and waiting for the other person to die". Danielle Gordon from La Vida Dolce brings the whole perspective of "Forgive and Forget" to light.

 

Remember the old saying, "forgiveness is the key to your happiness"? Well, what happened to "forgetting"? Does that make you happy as well? The equation may not always be so simple...

We've all encountered varying degrees of hurt depending on our family dynamics, socio-economic status, and relationship history. That "hurt" eventually piles up and may later turn into resentment. Without realizing, that resentment makes as jaded and cold. We're unable to open to new possibilities that may lay ahead. So, what do we do with all the emotions? How can we move on to be happy?

1) Forget - When I suggest "forgetting", I don't mean living in denial about the circumstances around you. Our experiences are a vital piece to our tapestry - they combine together to make us who we are. We can either draw strength or weakness from them. I suggest "forgetting" as an acknowledgement of its occurrence and placing it behind you as you move forward. Use those experiences as a stepping stone - learn from them to improve yourself in any way you deem.

2) Forgive - Forgiveness is not an act of submission or acknowledging that the wrong-doing was "ok". It allows you to release the emotional burden you've been carrying. You can make peace with the situation or individual that caused you pain. Forgiveness is purely for YOUR BENEFIT. You'll be more receptive to the new adventures, people, and situations that lay in the future.

So when someone says to you, "I'll forgive what you've done, but I won't forget it!", simply reply with, "Please do both. I truly want you to be happy."

Happy reading ☺

If you would also like to be a guest blogger to Relationship Lessons, send me an e-mail describing what you'd like to talk about (in a separate attachment), and briefly defend or support your point. Once you have been contacted if selected, a 400 max word project is expected before it is posted. Send your thoughts and ideas to myrelationshiplessons@gmail.com. Let's get to writing! 

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