Emotional Baggage

RELATIONSHIP LESSON: In order to embrace what is, and what can be, you have to let go of what was, and what should never have been...

Emotional baggage...the killer of many relationships. Its funny how many bags we acquire over the course of our lives, and its even funnier how many bags we stuff into other bags in an attempt to look like as if we don't have as many in the first place. I remember having so many bags at one point in my life, it no longer became about me but what any woman would have to overcome before they could even get to me.

So how do you check your emotional baggage? At what point can you look at a person and say "before we go any further, have you dealt with your unresolved feelings"? The problem with these left over feelings are that they're usually negative in nature, causing fears and doubts that carry over into future relationships. Unfortunately we (including me) never recognize the emotions that come with this baggage until it is too late and the relationship is over. Emotional baggage occurs when we experience a hurt within a relationship, and that hurt is not resolved or dealt with. We internalize those negative feelings and develop fears that we may or may not be aware of. Then we're off to the next relationship, and those same fears and negative emotions trigger negative or irrational thoughts and behaviors within us. The fears and hurt feelings grow over time and now become justified within our own mind as correct. This creates a cycle that we then feel unable to escape from as we venture into our next romantic quest.
Being able to identify the problem is the key in being able to put an end to it. Make a list, mental or otherwise, of the romantic relationships you have been involved in and the issues that occurred within them. It is important to look for and notice patterns that have formed and continue on from one relationship to the next. These patterns will help you locate where in relationships your negative behaviors have an impact. Remember that you are not at fault for every problem that may arise in every relationship. However if you notice the very same problems arise in every relationship then you need to take a closer look at any negative emotions and fears that you may have. The only factor that all of your relationships have in common, positive or negative is you. Therefore you know that the only way to stop those same problems from presenting themselves in yet another relationship is within you.
Review the event or experience that you feel caused your emotional baggage and identify your role in the experience. Allow yourself to learn from that experience and forgive yourself! It's then and only then that you can lose the weight that an emotional bag can carry, and you can hopefully move on better than before...