Wouldn’t it be amazing to win the Lottery? Overnight you’d go
from stressing about budgets and bills (like we all do), to having more
cash than you could count. You could pay off your mortgage, or buy a
new house, or surprise each person in your family with a shiny new car, or go
on spending sprees where nothing is off-limits. All of your problems
would be solved! Or would they? You see, there’s something called The Curse of the Lottery.
If you Google it, you’ll find dozens of stories of people who were
destroyed by a sudden windfall of wealth. Without a plan for their new
lives (or in some cases, common sense), they were torn apart by
divorce, drug and alcohol addiction, family jealousy and greed. Um OK, where am I going with this, you may ask? That sure is a dramatic analogy, but it reminds me of what happens when some people hit the “jackpot” of love: They
finally have everything they’ve ever wanted in a man or woman, then they do
everything in their power to completely sabotage the relationship.
Let’s
use Maggie (not her real name) as an example. After years of being in
one dramatic, unhealthy relationship after another, she was finally
ready for a change. She’d decided it was time to put in the work to
find "The One" and create a healthy, committed, lasting relationship. She
worked on her self-esteem issues. She cleared away some of the negative
beliefs from her past and started to realize that yes, she did deserve love. She
stopped chasing guys who weren’t interested, and instead allowed her
feminine charm and confidence to radiate, attracting available men
without her having to do much of anything. Instead of her
usual method of operation (hopping into bed at the first sign of a man showing
interest) she learned that she was worthy of being courted and taking
her time. She got to know the men she was dating, and became secure in being
selective. Then…JACKPOT! Maggie struck it rich in love. She met Mr. Right: handsome, smart, funny, charming, successful, and — here’s the best part — TOTALLY INTO HER! He
couldn’t get enough of her. He took her on dates, and at the end would
say, “When can I see you again? What are you doing tomorrow?” He complimented her beauty, her brains, he told her she made him feel like he had a new lease on life. After dating for a while, he told her, “I am in love with you, and
although I know we need to take our time, I know I want to spend the
rest of my life with you.” [Cue the "Hallelujah" chorus] So
what did Maggie do? Email me her Relationship Lesson and then ride off
into the sunset with her perfect new man, enjoying her Happily Ever
After? Unfortunately, no. Maggie freaked out.
One of
her emails read, “I don’t know what my deal is. I love this man.
I’m trying to believe he loves me. But it all seems too good to be true.
I feel like I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like one day
I’ll wake up and it will all be a dream, or maybe he’ll wake up
and realize I’m not what he wants after all.” I encouraged her to
hold tight to her new, healthy approach to relationships. She said she
would, and then her communication with me dropped off for several weeks.
During this time Maggie backslid into her old habits and behaviors. Instead
of feeling confident and worthy, she began to let insecurity and fear
take hold. And then she did everything in her power to sabotage this
amazing new relationship. You see, Maggie was used to heartache and settling for less than she deserved. Even though it was painful, it felt familiar. A healthy partnership with a man who cherished her was almost too
much to take. For too long she had trained herself not to hope too high,
not to expect too much, all to protect herself from disappointment. But
where Maggie went wrong is that she failed to follow through. Unlike
some other methods out there, this is not some
manipulative set of tricks to snag a man. It’s a way of life that starts
with cultivating love from the inside out. You can’t just drop
everything you’ve learned once you get the guy. You have to make a
choice every day to keep building your self esteem, to believe in your
worthiness, to strive to understand men better, and most importantly, to date yourself first.
Maggie
and I are back in touch and, with some encouragement, she is getting
back on track. Luckily her guy is so smitten with her, that he didn’t get scared
away by a few bumps in the road. I won’t get too far into details, but
suffice to say Maggie (again, not her real name) brought up some heavy conversations too soon and
exhibited some unwarranted jealousy. I think these two could really
make it, provided Maggie can let go of the fear and allow herself to
enjoy the feeling of being loved just for being her. Don’t let yourself fall victim to The Curse of the Relationship Jackpot...
twitter.com/DelvinRestored
No comments:
Post a Comment