Let me first thank all of you for sticking with me through 200 lessons. WOW! I never thought this would go this far, this fast, but it's a lot of work and I'm glad to do it. Thanks for pushing me though so many topics and SO many lessons...
I’ve had a number of female friends over the year ask, How can I tell he loves me?
I’ve answered this question a lot of different ways, but when it boils
down to it, the best way to tell if a man loves you is to STRESS HIM
OUT...I’m serious! You’re probably thinking to yourself, “Stress him out? That’s
ridiculous!” That’s because you’ve been brainwashed.
1) A man has to care about you enough to even let you stress him out.
2) If a man really loves you, a little stress is not going to make him leave.
An often
glossed over fact of life is that relationships take work. If a man is
willing to work on your relationship, it’s because he cares. If he runs
at the first sign of hardship, he didn’t value you or the relationship
very much. You know the type of women that get caught up in years and years of
pseudo-relationship with no commitment or direction? The laid-back
woman. The woman that causes a man no stress whatsoever is the type he
keeps around but never commits to. Sure, they may never fight because
what do they have to fight about? The relationship has no substance. She
is perfectly content holding on to the hope of commitment instead of
facing the reality that it may never come, but she for damn sure won’t
“stress him out” by asking a simple, yet pertinent question, “where is
this relationship going?”
Unfortunately, it's the women who follow the man's plan (even if it
is completely contradictory to their own), and end up frustrated and
confused when he suddenly leaves because he was never emotionally vested
in the relationship. Just as women prefer alpha males, men like women with a backbone. If
you let a man get away with all kinds of non-sense he shouldn’t get away
with, consciously or subconsciously, he will lose respect for you. And
no, I’m not saying or excusing that he will treat you bad. He just has no
incentive to treat you great, let alone put a ring on it. If his minimum
has proven sufficient, why put in the excess effort of giving you his
best?
Too often women are willing to change their entire make up
as a person, simply to be with a man they like because she’s afraid if
she’s herself, that same man won’t like the “real her.” She’ll change
employment, residence, personality, religion and the list goes on and on
to make her fit the mold she thinks this man wants before
she’ll do something as crazy as be herself. In reality, a man doesn’t
want to fall for the woman you’re pretending to be (you won’t be able
to keep that farce up anyway), he wants to fall in love with the woman
you are. In other words, be yourself so we can fall in love with YOU, not your representative.
Assuming that you have reasonable expectations, standards and goals...then
voice them to us. Give us men an opportunity to figure out if we can and
will love the real you. Let us accurately assess if we can be the man you want and need. Don’t
get me wrong, you should remain open to negotiation but you shouldn’t
bite your tongue either. That comes off as weak. It also comes off as
fake. Otherwise, we’ll both be unhappy when you “change.”
But technically you never changed, all you really did was become yourself after the guarantee of commitment…well damn, it’s nice to finally
meet YOU! If you religiously watch reality shows, talk during movies, curse like a sailor and smoke
cigarillos, then DON'T change things simply because
you’re hanging around us. Changing on your own accord is one thing, but changing
into someone you are not to obtain someone’s affections is misleading.
If you have a tough question, ask it. If something’s bothering you,
voice it. If in being yourself, you stress him out and he leaves...it’s his loss, not yours! He couldn’t accept the real you, which only
means he doesn’t deserve any of you. Point blank, period!
When a man doesn’t care about a future with a woman, he
retreats at the first sign of stress. You ask where this relationship is
going? He disappears. You ask if he wants more than sex from you? He
stops calling. You want to know why his ex-girlfriend keeps calling at
3am? He tells you you’re tripping to the point where you actually believe
you are tripping. YOU ARE NOT TRIPPING! These are perfectly reasonable
questions that any logical person with half a brain should ask and
should receive an honest response. Reverse psychology in relationships is older than the words in the Bible! Don’t
fall for it. Know your worth and expect...no, DEMAND that he honor it.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!
I’m not saying you should run into the next room and slap your man
upside the head. I am saying you shouldn’t have to act like
someone completely different than who you are naturally in order to get a
man to fall in love with you. Doesn’t that mean he isn’t really in love
with you? It’s possible he may leave you, but what have you really lost? A man
that never respected you enough to commit or respect you as a person?
That doesn’t seem like much of a loss to me. It seems more like a gain. When a
man loves a woman, he doesn’t pull up the tent he pitched just as soon as the relationship is
tested. He looks at it as an opportunity to strengthen the
relationship. This is the man you should have in your life instead of
settling for someone willing to remain simply because you never stress
him out. After all, that might be the only reason he’s keeping you around...
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