I believe that the secret to happiness is looking within. I received
some advice from an old friend who said, “You can’t ask anyone to
love you, if you don’t love yourself.” For a while, I tried to answer
questions about why I couldn’t find something that clicked with me. I
found that I didn’t love myself. So I did something that a lot of people
don’t do, or won't willingly do on their own. When I left my last relationship,
I wanted to start over again with my ex wife LaShaun, but it doesn't
work quite the way you see in the movies with the happy ending. I found
out that I had to experience some time by myself. LaShaun wasn't going
to magically fall in my arms at the thought of me choosing her over
someone else. There was work to do, so I was alone for a while and I
remembered my friends advice and decided to work on learning to love
myself. When I came out of my relationship recluse, I felt anew and I
felt that I was ready to at least positively pursue her again, but
during the next year alone I realized that with or without someone else,
things would be just fine. Now I have to admit that it is unheard of for
a man to be alone for a long period of time, and there were times that I
was tempted...just like any man would be. But it was during this time
alone that I had to really grow up for the sake of the bigger picture
that I wanted: I wanted LaShaun, I wanted LaShaun and Jonathan, I wanted
family with LaShaun and Jonathan. Any man of lesser stock would've just
got what he wanted physically from whomever was offering, and happily
went on about his relationship pursuing business. I know this for a fact
because that man of lesser stock was at one time, me...
In that time that I spent searching for love in myself I learned to ask myself five important questions.
- What do you want? – Ask yourself, what do you really want? Stop worrying about what everyone else wants for you, stop worrying about what would look best for you, just focus on what you want.
- Are you willing to ask for it? – Humility is key. The meek shall inherit the earth but it starts with realizing that you need to ask for what you want. Then after you ask for it, you have to stand firm in your inquiry. Don’t shy away from asking a tough question to your potential mate, and be willing to risk it all if they won’t give it to you.
- Are you willing to earn it? – There are no handouts in the game of love and war. Everything worth having is earned. You have to dedicate yourself day in and day out to put in the work to earn what you want. If you want a good person then you have to be a good person yourself.
- Do you deserve it? – Do we know our worth? A lot of us think that we do, but we have to ask ourselves what do we deserve. Everyone tells themselves they deserve the best but that’s a broad stroke. We have to position ourselves to be where we are ready to receive everything that is for us. At times, we don’t deserve it and we have work to do.
- What are you willing to sacrifice? – It can't always be about you and what you believe is right. You have to let go of the ideology that you have to be accepted "as is". Sacrifice is compromise, it’s simply giving it up or letting it go for the greater good. How can you get out of the way of yourself? At times, the answer is sacrifice. Giving up what may seem so precious to us is key to accepting what others have to give.
These are the questions I asked myself. I wonder what would happen if
we all spent more time in self-examination instead of searching for the
answers from everyone else. The answers to our happiness are clearly
within. If you are happy with yourself then you don’t look for someone
else to make you happy, you just live it...
twitter.com/RShipLessons
No comments:
Post a Comment