Pride can be a good thing or a bad thing, especially for us men. On
the good side, pride can be that deep sense of satisfaction we have when
we have achieved something that we value. On the bad side pride is
considered one of the seven deadly sins. For the purpose of today I
wanted to focus more on the ugly side – when our pride is wrapped up in
conceit, self-importance and ego.
If you are a man, then you certainly have been confronted by your own pride at some time in your life.
Perhaps it is still prevalent? Perhaps you ignore it? Perhaps you’ve
overcome it? Regardless, as men we must be on our guard. Remember, pride
has a label as a deadly sin. It can kill us. Pride precedes a fall, and a fall is always scary because when you land...it hurts!
Why is it as men, we will seek out a golf pro to help us with our
golf game but not seek help where it really matters at work and at
home? Remember that fall?
Yet, how often do we admit our failures to anyone or even ourselves? Pride once again gets in our way. On a few occasions in my marriage, I have faced some tough
times financially. On the earlier occasions I refused that we accept
any offers of help. Eventually, I learned to give in, albeit grudgingly
whilst harbouring some resentment. I felt it was an attack on my
masculinity and ability to provide for my family. My ego and pride were
going nuts!! Where such pride prevails, your thinking is not rational.
We’ve all felt some type of pride. It arises after someone has hurt
us, or mistreated us. It comes after we’ve achieved something epic, or
done something against the odds. Pride can make us feel great, it can
protect us from harm (or so we think), but in spite of what it can feel
like, it can have a damaging impact on one’s relationship. Most people
are blind to their own pride, therefore, it is quite difficult to get
them to understand how it is damaging to a relationship.
While pride can manifest itself in many ways, I am focusing on one
type of pride: the kind that holds you back from connecting, or
re-connecting with the loved one in your life after a conflict or issue.
Sometimes people hurt us, and as much as we may not want to admit it,
our pride can be used as a tool to hurt them back in a passive way. We
feel the hurt and think to ourselves: “I’m better than you.” And we cut
off ties and put up walls. Or possibly we’ve recognized that we
wronged/hurt someone in some way, but we are too proud to apologize for
it fearing that it will somehow make us look weak, vulnerable or that
the person could shame us.
In a conflict, it’s extremely easy to let our pride comfort us and
say that none of it was our fault. And it can be quite difficult
(whether or not we have any part to blame) to swallow our pride and be
the first person to apologize or discuss the issue. But unless one part
steps forward and realizes that their pride is not worth letting the
relationship fall apart, then the relationship risks further problems. Do you repeatedly fight with your significant other just because of
pride and ego problems? Or do you blame each other during an argument?
Pride and ego problems can become overwhelming relationship issues.
Before you add strain to your relationship, here are some reliable tips
to avoid the problem of pride in any relationship.
1. Listen - Listening is the humblest way to overcome the problem of pride in a relationship. Understand what your partner says and listen carefully, before you reply to their words.2. Speak - If you do not communicate what you are feeling, how will they know what you are feeling? Your significant other can’t read your mind. So, to avoid misinterpretations and arguments between you, try to communicate everything that you think and feel.3. Do not Judge - Do not ever judge your partner when you disagree or argue. They could be wrong and so could you. Solve all problems amicably and do not judge one another.4. Do not try to Change it - Do not ever try to change the behavior and habits of your partner, if you yourself do not want to change.5. Be Humble - Be humble and forgiving. Always be honest with yourself and your loved one.
For the sake of our marriages, our relationships, and our friendships
we need to examine ourselves, and ask for forgiveness. Take the humble
path, and ask your significant other for forgiveness in areas where you
may be weak. My pride over the years has brought unnecessary suffering to my wife,
my family and myself. Please note pride is both a sin and an enemy of
your self-leadership and mine. Pride hinders progress. Pride made my life tougher than it needed to be, and left unattended, pride will do the same to yours. Please don’t make the same mistakes I have...
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