The Seven Tips for "Christian Dating"

First of all, the fact that the title of this post starts with the number seven (which symbolizes perfection or completion in Scripture) is a coincidence. I usually post five things when I'm trying to make points, and I name them "The Five". Truth be told, this time I just couldn't stop typing. With that said, I have found the following tips helpful when it comes to thinking about and approaching dating as a Christian. 

1. Remember that there is no such thing as “Christian dating”—only Christians who date. One of the most confusing things we can do for ourselves is to categorize things by the “Christian” label. The word “Christian” is not meant to be used as an adjective to describe media or clothing or music. Rather, it’s a group of people. People who are committed to living a life that is infused with God’s love. When it comes to dating, it would do us well to see it as an avenue toward getting to know God’s people. Just like anything else we do in this life, dating is a way that we can reflect Christ to the people we come in contact with. Let’s take the pressure off and see it as just that.

2. Don’t take dating too seriously. Now that we’ve put aside the concept of “Christian dating”, we should probably also put aside the notion that dating must equal marriage. If we only go on dates with people who (based on our initial perception) seem to have the potential to be our lifelong partner, we’ll go on very few actual dates.There is very little that can be learned about someone outside a significant interaction of some sort. Some people can learn a lot about each other through the development of a friendship, but even that eventually requires the next step of going on a real date. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t actually have to know if they’re “the one” before committing to dinner and a movie. Let’s not take this so seriously, okay?

3. Don’t take dating too lightly. I know it sounds like I’m about to contradict myself, but bear with me. I hold firm to the fact that you don’t need a commitment toward marriage from date number one, but I do believe you should always hold to a set of personal values and beliefs that you are unwilling to compromise on when it comes to getting to know someone. Instead of just treating dates with the randomness of the lottery, know what you’re looking for and what you want to avoid. Your time and emotional energy are valuable, so decrease your risks by investing in relationships that will build you up and challenge you no matter what the outcome. If you know something is a dead end from the start, don’t bother going down that path.

4. Be yourself. This one is a no-brainer, but it really has to be said. There are far too many people out there trying to be someone they’re not, or even worse, unaware of who they actually are. In order to be yourself, you have to know yourself. Take the time to really get to the heart of who you are, where you’ve been, where you’re going, and then give others the respect they deserve by displaying authenticity in your interactions. 

5. Have fun getting to know others. How easy is it to get so hung up on this dating stuff that it becomes more stressful than enjoyable? Dating should be a rewarding time of learning about others. It’s a chance to get a glimpse of God in the people that He’s made, and there’s something really beautiful about that! Look for him at work in your interactions with others, and have a good time. 

6. Don’t have regrets. The easiest way to live a life of little regret is to make good choices. When it comes to dating, it’s important to see it as an opportunity for good choices to be made, rather than just focusing on all the potential risks. Making good choices involves setting healthy boundaries and limits in your emotional and physical exchanges with others. Don’t give too much too fast with any area of your life, and learn to see trust as something that is earned, not freely given. The best way to enjoy healthy dating is to do it in a way that leaves you with no regrets. 

7. Take the next step. No matter what comes of your dating experience, it’s always important to be intentional about what comes next. That may mean planning another date, or making the deliberate decision not to. Either way, be clear about your intentions and the direction that you’re heading with your dating relationship. Don’t let guilt or fear hold you back during this process. You owe commitment to no one, but you owe proper communication to everyone.  

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The Soul Tie and The Soul Mate

My pastor often mentioned to us about the devastation of soul ties. It was a new term to some, but not necessarily foreign only because at that moment I felt as if I was tangled up in something. Something that I could not put a finger on. And so when my pastor described to us that soul ties primarily result from engaging in sexual relationships with people who God hasn’t chosen for us, *coughFORNICATIONcough* I was dumbstruck. He also told us that when we have sex, there is a transference of spirits from one person to the next, similar to when someone shakes hands with someone and germs transfer from one hand to another. You can say that was my AH-HA moment! It's critical to be able to understand the difference between a soul tie and a soul mate. I've been on both sides of these kinds of relationships and I have the rope burns to prove it, which qualifies me to talk from both sides. A soul tie keeps one in bondage after a relationship has been severed, but in a soul mate scenario a person only benefits from the connection. Today's blog will explain in detail the difference between a soul tie versus a soul mate.

A soul tie is formed whenever there is an intense attraction to someone. It forms by way of falling extremely hard for someone for reasons which could include but are not limited to personality, appearance, and sex. In a soul tie situation you become extremely attached to the person you are having relations with. A soul tie is often the strongest when the relationship ended against your will or if you shared extensive years in a relationship with a particular person. A soul tie keeps an individual in bondage, and it's truly a situation where you have to pray to release a person from your spirit and your heart. When you have a soul tie, you can meet the most qualified candidate but if you are not free, then the situation will not work. It will either be a situation where you compare and contrast the new person to the ex, or it may still involve a weakness for the ex. Meaning that they still have the ability to call you regardless of the fact that you are dating someone else and have a signicant role in your life and the outcome of your potential relationship.

A soul mate is completely different from a soul tie. To meet a soul mate is to have an intense connection that is beneficial to both parties. By meeting a soul mate you are never in bondage. To meet a soul mate is to have extreme solitude in knowing that you have met a like minded individual. You do not have to pray to release a soul mate from your spirit because the connection is one which is beneficial forever. Distance makes one grow fonder. Time is irrelevant in that the same way you feel today is the same way that you will feel 20 years later. It is a perfect fit situation.

The most fundamental way to be able to decipher a soul mate from a soul tie is to understand that the connection is formed immediately with a soul mate. In a soul tie situation it involves more time. A person that is the victim of a soul tie situation must understand that the cliche "everything that glitters isn't gold" is the perfect way to describe the situation. There are people who study our mannerisms and behaviors and capitalize on them, and that is how you know that it is not a soul mate. To protect yourself from a soul tie situation, move slow and guard your heart...

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