Love and relationships are not easy things. Love may be a feeling, but it is
also a verb. It is reflected in how we treat someone, how we act towards them,
and how we view ourselves when we are with them. These things, we all choose.
And we have to make the right choices, at least most of the time, if we want a
relationship to work.
While all of this is important to understand and to work on every day, I
also believe there are some things seemingly more controlled by our
subconscious. Feelings we cannot quite explain, nor feelings we choose. For
example: What is your favorite color? What is your favorite genre of
music? Why is that your favorite color or genre? Some, you
just like more than others without having to think about it.
I had a very interesting conversation with a woman who is much more mature
than I was at her age. She wanted my opinion on a theory that she has had for a
long time now, and since I am older than her, she wanted to know if I thought it
would change as she got older too. The theory, both intelligent and concise, is
as follows:
If you are having trouble
choosing between two people, then neither of them is right for you.
I admit this statement made me pause for a second before I could say whether
or not I agreed with it. I imagined myself in the position where I had feelings
for two women at the same time, and having to choose which of them I wanted to
be with. In doing that, I understood my position on the topic: You should never
have to choose. Why? Because when you know, when you really know
you want to be with someone, you have no interest in talking to or spending
time with anyone else. For me, if I was interested in someone after a few dates,
everything changed. I didn’t text anyone else, talk to anyone else, or see
anyone else. The desire simply wasn’t there.
It wasn’t something I chose. Ultimately, I didn’t choose to
be with her over someone else. I didn’t choose to
fall in love with her. I do choose everyday, the things I mentioned earlier in the blog, and the one I referenced in the beginning. But
love, I did not choose. So, why should you never choose your significant other?
Because
if you aren’t sure enough to be interested in them in the first place, they probably aren't the
right one for you.
Relationships are not about checking items off of a list. They are not about
an arbitrary test score or seeing how someone matches up to some list a blogger
put together on the internet (clears throat), even me… Yes, these concepts can
help you determine whether or not someone may be a
good person or a good match for you, but relationships are not just about logic
or reason. In fact, they are seldom about that at all.
Without that
spark between you, that chemistry, that
‘it factor’ or whatever you want to call it, then there is
no point in attempting to fit a square peg in a round hole. It just won’t work
in the long run, and the thing about spark is you don’t choose to feel
it. It just happens, and it happens usually when you least expect it. That is
what makes it so beautiful…
