Happy Birthday, Now Share The Love!

Go shorty, it’s your birthday. Well actually, it’s my birthday today! And in honor of this special day, I thought I  would write about birthdays in the world of relationships. Birthdays are fun and exciting, but they can also be hard to navigate when dating someone. There can be a lot of pressure around certain holidays, especially birthdays. 

Cards, Cards, Cards! One of the most important things to remember is to get your lover a BIRTHDAY CARD. Some people forget this step because they themselves aren’t ‘card people.’ However, most people love a good card, especially the person you’re dating. When you give your date a birthday present, you want to hand him or her the whole ‘package’ – this means a card as well. When searching for the perfect card, you have two options… If you’re not the best with the written word, find a card that expresses how you feel. Or, if you’re great with words, then find a simple card or a blank one and have your way with it. Your partner will appreciate that you put in the extra effort to get a card. 

It's The Thought That Counts. One of the hardest things about birthdays is thinking of that perfect gift to give your partner. It’s not easy, especially if you’ve been with that person for a while. In this case, you should go with the old saying, ‘it’s the thought that counts.’ Sure, a gift card is great and fun to spend, but nothing beats a thoughtful gift. You have to think hard about the person you are with. If it helps, write down a list of interests of your significant other and then go at it with Google, Etsy or Pinterest. Get creative! 

Know your Partner. Everybody feels differently about their birthday. Some people love this day of celebration, while others don’t fancy the attention. Forget how you feel about your birthday, it’s important to consider how your significant other wants to enjoy the day. So if your girlfriend or boyfriend isn’t all about it, then celebrate in a smaller, more intimate way. But, if your partner appreciates being the Birthday Queen or King, then either go big or go home. 

But in all seriousness, I can't stress this enough, don't treat the birthday like it's any other day. You will go farther in his heart and mind because you took the time to say and do something for him. In the end, isn't that what is really important? 

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How To Find Your Happiness Before You Find Your Love

I believe that the secret to happiness is looking within. I received some advice from an old friend who said, “You can’t ask anyone to love you, if you don’t love yourself.” For a while, I tried to answer questions about why I couldn’t find something that clicked with me. I found that I didn’t love myself. So I did something that a lot of people don’t do, or won't willingly do on their own. When I left my last relationship, I wanted to start over again with my ex wife LaShaun, but it doesn't work quite the way you see in the movies with the happy ending. I found out that I had to experience some time by myself. LaShaun wasn't going to magically fall in my arms at the thought of me choosing her over someone else. There was work to do, so I was alone for a while and I remembered my friends advice and decided to work on learning to love myself. When I came out of my relationship recluse, I felt anew and I felt that I was ready to at least positively pursue her again, but during the next year alone I realized that with or without someone else, things would be just fine. Now I have to admit that it is unheard of for a man to be alone for a long period of time, and there were times that I was tempted...just like any man would be. But it was during this time alone that I had to really grow up for the sake of the bigger picture that I wanted: I wanted LaShaun, I wanted LaShaun and Jonathan, I wanted family with LaShaun and Jonathan. Any man of lesser stock would've just got what he wanted physically from whomever was offering, and happily went on about his relationship pursuing business. I know this for a fact because that man of lesser stock was at one time, me...

In that time that I spent searching for love in myself I learned to ask myself five important questions.

1. What do you want? – Ask yourself, what do you really want? Stop worrying about what everyone else wants for you, stop worrying about what would look best for you, just focus on what you want.
2. Are you willing to ask for it? – Humility is key. The meek shall inherit the earth but it starts with realizing that you need to ask for what you want. Then after you ask for it, you have to stand firm in your inquiry. Don’t shy away from asking a tough question to your potential mate, and be willing to risk it all if they won’t give it to you.
3. Are you willing to earn it? – There are no handouts in the game of love and war. Everything worth having is earned. You have to dedicate yourself day in and day out to put in the work to earn what you want. If you want a good person then you have to be a good person yourself.
4. Do you deserve it? – Do we know our worth? A lot of us think that we do, but we have to ask ourselves what do we deserve. Everyone tells themselves they deserve the best but that’s a broad stroke. We have to position ourselves to be where we are ready to receive everything that is for us. At times, we don’t deserve it and we have work to do.
5. What are you willing to sacrifice? – It can't always be about you and what you believe is right. You have to let go of the ideology that you have to be accepted "as is". Sacrifice is compromise, it’s simply giving it up or letting it go for the greater good. How can you get out of the way of yourself? At times, the answer is sacrifice. Giving up what may seem so precious to us is key to accepting what others have to give.

These are the questions I asked myself. I wonder what would happen if we all spent more time in self-examination instead of searching for the answers from everyone else. The answers to our happiness are clearly within. If you are happy with yourself then you don’t look for someone else to make you happy, you just live it...

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